Infertility: one in eight 


Today marks infertility awareness week. It has hit me twice this week that I am not alone on this difficult journey. 

My friend from high school has been struggling for almost two years now. As she made her first appointment at the clinic last summer, she got pregnant but lost the baby at 7 or 8 weeks (one week after my chemical pregnancy). She tried clomid for several months and had two complete failed iui’s where the clinic missed her surge. She had her first real iui last month (with trigger to catch surge) and it failed. Tomorrow she goes in for another iui. I can only imagine the depth of heartache and stress she is under for yet another round. 

Another friend from work is on a year and a half of secondary infertility. She had her daughter by whoops on their honeymoon, but baby number 2 had taken almost a year and a half. She goes this week for blood work and her hsg ultrasound. 

They say 1 in 8 but I can’t help but feel that this statistic is low. How do so many of us struggle for various and unknown reasons? My sisterinlaw and brother, my close friends cousin, hubbys close friend, a former co-worker, the family we will nanny share with! And sadly, we do not talk about it much. I’m now able to talk about my experience and openly share it when someone asks. But I chose not to bring it up because I know my husband doesn’t want me to. 

 There’s a lot of why’s and when’s and what ifs that run through my brain. My biggest fear was, “will I ever be a mommy?” The best I can do is support those around me and raise awareness in my own way! Say a prayer for those in need and for those I don’t know are in need. Say I love you, say I support you, give them a hug or kiss. 

24 weeks : Glucose test… tick tock 

I’m sitting at the lab right now watching the clock tick tock down to the one hour count (how the hell do people do this for 3 hours) god I hope I pass. 

31 minutes left… tick tock 

Yesterday marked 24 weeks of pregnancy, first big milestone, viability!! Not that I’m ready for these noodles to come out yet but it’s nice to know there is a high probability of survival if they come early now. I had my growth ultrasound on Tuesday. Things looked great. One measured 1 lb 8 ounces and the other 1lb 10oz. My cervix looked great and no concerns for early labor. 
I went in early so I could speak with a nurse or doctor about my legs but of course no doctors on that day (or nurses). I go to a small satellite office not the main one. But the front desk lady was very nice and called the nurses for me. After my ultrasound I spoke to a nurse on the phone. They got me an ultrasound for my leg that day. They wanted to rule out blood clots. 

25 minutes…. tick tock 

The tech was surprised at how bad my leg looked. They were puffy and swollen and badly bruised. But all is clear and no clots. Frustratingly I missed the call from the nurse (the following day) and all she said was “there were no clots call us if you have questions” thanks for all the added information lady. I haven’t called back yet, im assuming nothing can be done anyway based on what I’ve read online. 

I go to see the doctor in 2 weeks anyway, until then I’ll manage with movement, elevating my leg and cold compress. 

20 minutes… tick tock 

I’m excited to start up with biweekly appointments rather than monthly. Although between ultrasounds and doctors I do seem to go somewhere biweekly. It’s been nice to not have to use a ton of sick time too. Only used 1/2 personal for my level 2 ultrasound. 

8 minutes…tick tock… I might puke…. 

and I’m done……. that was rough….. 

23 weeks + 3 days – veins veins and more veins!  

I’m not going to go through my whole spiel this week, not a whole lot has changed. Except my veins on my legs. I was changing for the umpteenth time and noticed massive bruises on my leg and odd ones behind my knees. I noticed the veins getting worse at the beginning of the week but they aren’t new to me, I had dark ones with Ava. But this was NEW, massive dark spots surrounding the veins. I know they are hereditary and my dads family has horrible veins on their legs (they are also all obese) I was hoping to avoid getting them this bad. I consulted Dr. Google and they are pretty normal. Plus after coming home from our Easter celebration I laid down and the bruises started to lighten. Sigh one more symptom to deal with.

Ava’s pregnancy at 23 weeks
On a lighter note, we have a csection date! If they decide to stay in long term we will be welcoming these boys on July 31 – 38 weeks and 4 days at noon. Still over 3 months to go but whatever is best for the babies I’m happy with.

Easter with Ava 

It was almost 80 degrees today!!!! We have a big family celebration on Easter 🐣 with a huge egg hunt, hay ride and Easter bunny. Ava had so much fun!


22.5 Weeks

 

Well, this has been difficult to keep up with pictures this time around. Not that I can’t find the time to write a post, but getting hubby around to take a picture (while I look somewhat presentable) without Ava hanging on me has been tough. So I GAVE UP! I took it myself in the mirror lol

Since my last post everything came out great on the ultrasound for the heart echo. The doctor came in when the tech was done and said they couldn’t be more perfect! My cervix is looking great with something close to 4 (I can’t remember for the life of me, it was 3.?) I’m hoping my cervix stays nice and long for the long haul. I don’t have enough sick days to go on bed rest for extended time. If anything I’d like the take the last few days of the school year off as needed.

Ava at 22 weeks

Pregnancy: #2 – TWINS

Gender: boy/boy fraternal

Weight gain: 21 pounds as of Friday – doing pretty well, just have to keep this rate up through to the end.

Eating: Watching what a eat a bit more. Seltzer seems to aggravate my heartburn (or peppers…can’t seem to figure out which one it is). But it hurts so much I don’t want to test which one it was.

Sleep: Sleeping GREAT! Hard to roll over but once over I do great… only roll a few times a night. Not getting up to pee at all!

Symptoms and Movement: 

Movements: Still feeling strong kicks under the belly and a few on the top left and right. I’m feeling them throughout the day and LOVING it! Someone is kicking my cervix or pubic area, it feels soo weird to be kicked there. Can they break out with too much kicking?!

Vulvar varicose veins – oddly, I don’t know if I’m getting used to them or the weight is shifting to my belly rather than over my cervix. I mean, don’t get me wrong, they are THERE but not as brutal.

Bump– um, its big…and only getting bigger. AND I’m only 22 weeks. I think I’m looking like I’m 30 weeks (compared to Ava’s pregnancy).

Emotions: Don’t sweat the small stuff, don’t sweat the small stuff, don’t sweat the small stuff. I keep having to tell myself that almost daily. Like when hubby lost my keys (2 days later I found them, in MY jacket pocket) oops!

Missing: Not being able to pick up and hold Ava. The belly is definitely getting in the way.

Purchases: Went to a consignment sale this weekend (HUGE) like fill a field house huge. On the last day many things are on sale for 50% off – so I scored big time with some awesome purchases (mostly for Ava, but I grabbed a few other things like a shopping cart cover that wasn’t bright prink, and a few swaddles, some cloth diapers and a couple of sweatshirts).

Looking forward to: ultrasound on Tuesday of next week!! – not looking forward to hubby leaving for 3 days on his annual baseball trip. At least he’s going early this time and only staying for 3 days.

Best moment of the week: Not sure, I feel like time is dragging a bit – maybe because I don’t want to be at work. Feeling them move more… 🙂 that’s always great!

Clothes: XS and S pants are still fitting but some of my XS shirts from Ava’s pregnancy are just not big enough to allow room for the bigger belly. I have had a few friends pass along their maternity wear to me, which is nice but then I end up with so much stuff (half of which doesn’t fit) lol

Exercise: Actually hitting my 6,000 steps a day more frequently – close to 5 days a week. Mostly during the week, weekends I don’t walk as much.

20 Weeks and feeling pretty good

I’ve had a pretty good week considering how awful and uncomfortable I have felt this pregnancy. I have energy, I’m motivated to get things done and my body is feeling pretty good. Hoping this feeling will last!

Ava’s pregnancy at 20 weeks!
Pregnancy: #2 – TWINS

Gender: boy/boy fraternal

Weight gain: 15 lbs as of two Friday’s ago at my appointment –

Eating: Snacks usually consist of a homemade trail mix, this usually satisfies my sweet tooth with a bit of chocolate in there. We don’t keep many “snacks” in the house, which is  a good thing. I’d be eating all of it!

Sleep: Great week of sleep (I had one bad night) but otherwise I am sleeping soundly, not getting up to pee, not waking up wide awake and unable to fall back asleep.

Symptoms and Movement:

Movements: feeling more movements in the lower regions but felt some up higher this week as well. The higher ones were fleeting, I had to do a double take, “were those actually kicks?”

Vulvar varicose veins – Same to slightly better. Movement is key, getting my body and blood moving. If I sit too long I feel it, if I stand too long, I feel it. So I need to make sure I evenly spread out my standing, sitting and walking.

Bump– It cannot be hidden any longer!

Emotions: in a pretty good mood all week – Monday sucked. By 7am I had forgotten Ava’s breakfast at home, spilled water all over hubbys car because i didn’t tighten the lid, was late for work and all of this was the morning after I broke my phone (the one I just paid off!) I wanted to just go home. My broken phone has had me worked up this week, but otherwise I’ve been good!  

Missing: moving at a normal speed 

Purchases: hmm starting selling some of Ava’s stuff on eBay (😩no more girl things). So I bought some things on eBay with the money I made. Bought some cloth diapers and put some bids on new pottery barn sheets. A coworkers daughter just had twins so she brought in two boxes of clothes (nb – 3 mo) all in beautiful condition, so I’m buying those off of her for a great price. Unfortunately I won’t be getting a shower/sprinkle so I’m trying to pick items up here and there that we’ll need. Clothing 2 boys will be daunting! 

Looking forward to: next ultrasound on Tuesday. It’s our heart echo. 

Best moment of the week:when my students find out, it’s funny to see their reactions. Actually I love screwing with them. When they ask if I’m pregnant I respond, ” why so I look fat?!nhage a Gaines weight?!” And then I refuse to confirm or deny it and say I don’t know. When they approach hubby he says, “omg Ms. G’s pregnant?! I had no idea.” Love screwin with them ! 

Clothes: uh some of my maternity shorts are too small 😩

Exercise: not much 

19 Weeks


What a week?! Snow day last Friday, school Monday, snowday Tuesday and 2 hour delay Wednesday. Today was the first day I had to wake up early (besides Monday). It was rough getting out of bed with the time change. Clock says 5:30 but my body says it’s 4;30. Ava must feel the same way, she pulled the blankets back over her head this morning and wouldn’t get up. But one more day of the week left!

Ava has been in a great mood the past few weeks. Her anger and temper seemed to have subsided. She is still not pooping on the potty 😦 but not sure what else to do to help. The poop prize box doesn’t do much. She’s earned it a few times but still will not tell us when she has to go most times. Not sure what else to do but wait it out. Again, cleaning up one poopy undie a day is better than wrangling her in diapers 7 times a day.

We sat down with our potential nanny this weekend. I told her our deal, and that I’d love to have her 5 days a week and Ava would go to preschool 2-3 days. She is nannying one child M,Tu,W and we know the family. So we will actually nanny share those three days and the other 2 she will be strictly with us. But I cannot pay her what the other mother is paying her. I told her where we were at, what is the minimum I can pay her and I hope to work things out financially so we can actually pay her more. I’m hoping to give her around $15 an hour – adds up quick when you work 45 hours a week. Hoping our parents can help out in cutting those hours closer to 40. The other mother is paying her $15 for one child, $18 for two and $22 for three (they have 3 kids but the other 2 are in school all day. She would only have the 3 on school vacations which my family will have off because we are teachers) But anyways, $22 an hour?! WTF I can barely afford the $15 and send my kid to preschool. If we didn’t do preschool I could afford maybe $18 but damn, I don’t live in a large city like NY or Boston. I can’t complain too much though she’s 25 and has been in childcare since she was 16 (at Ava’s daycare). She’s CPR certified, college credits (although no degree yet). She’s amazing and she will be with my kids more than I will be in the waking hours. At least with her at our house I’m not having to pack up 3 kids for daycare daily. She can do breakfast and clean dishes and let the kids sleep in. She was actually ok with our $15ish an hour because of the nanny share. She will be making enough money between the two families. In all honesty if everything is under the table she will make more than I take home in my paycheck every two weeks between the two families.

Anyways, I could go on and on about the details of daycare and our 1001 options with no single perfect option…

Ava at 19 weeks

Pregnancy: #2 – TWINS

Gender: boy/boy fraternal

Weight gain: 15 lbs as of last Friday at my appointment – slowing a bit (which is good because I didn’t want to gain another 50lbs this pregnancy. However, with twins I know it is normal to gain more.

Eating: Eating great! Hubby is cooking dinner most nights. I try and avoid junk food because of that indigestion/pain I had.

Sleep: ok – still runny nose. This cold weather is soo dry! I have a bit of a dry cough too.  But to be honest I’m so tired that even when I wake up, I go back down very easily

Symptoms and Movement:

Movements: For the past week or two I’ve felt little flicks just above my pubic bone. This week they have been full on kicks, pretty easy to distinguish! I’m waiting to be able to tell which one is kicking me.

Vulvar varicose veins – ugh – when will I be able to stand, sit, walk normally again?? I’m slowing down in general.Trying to take the elevator more often at work, jog/brisk walk…forget it. The pain in my pubic area is so intense. The V support belts only do so much after a long day at work. However, interestingly enough, a day at work is better than a day at home. I think moving and getting the blood circulating is better than being stationary all day at home.

The hardest part is not being able to help Ava or hug/kiss her the way I used to. Not too much rough housing. I can’t knell on the floor to help her go potty or change her clothes. The stool is enough for now but even that is getting uncomfortable. She is not the most affectionate child so it makes me sad that when she asks for hugs it hurts to bend down and wait for her to hug me. Hubby has been a HUGE help for the bedtime process. I’m almost wanting her to get a big twin bed so I can stop scrunching down into her toddler bed.

Bump– getting big, big and bigger!

Emotions: Pretty even this week. Always overwhelmed with the planning (aka the money)

Missing: walking around normally, sleeping on my back

Purchases: Nothing – wanting to wait to buy things until we are ready and/or sure we need it

Looking forward to: Heart Echo ultra sound next week – the heart looked good at 18 weeks but she could not see the valves and measure the chambers perfectly so we go back for that appointment on the 28th.

Best moment of the week: Ava told me she liked the names we picked out. When I started asking about names of people she knew, she kept saying no to them. So “Donald” (duck) was out, Lincoln was out, Conner was out. But she liked the few names we have chosen.

Clothes: I think I need a few more work pants. This weather sucks (the cold/snow) so I’m wearing boots daily now. I haven’t been in the mood for dresses this week.

Exercise: Trying to move from class to class…. not sitting too long… that’s about it.

18 weeks – anatomy scan 

Picture to come – left my ultrasound pics at my inlaws when picking Ava up. 

Had my level two ultrasound today (18 weeks 1 day). We happened to have a snow day so I was not charged a personal day. Happy camper because I have a whopping 9 sick days and 8.5 personal days. Otherwise this snow sucks. Had to drop Ava off at my mother inlaws due to her daycare being closed. 

Everything at the ultrasound was perfect! Baby A was measuring 8 oz and was very cooperative except he didn’t want to show his face. Baby B was not cooperative and bounced all around!! He was also measuring 10 ounces and looked like he was beating up his brother. Notice they were both “he” still, no miss identification. 

Doctor came in and said she couldn’t have asked for a better ultrasound. We go back in 2.5 weeks for a heart echo. 

Saw my OB today too. Very uneventful visit but nice to hear the hearts on the Doppler. 

Ava at 18 weeks!

Pregnancy: #2 – TWINS

Gender
: boy/boy fraternal 


Weight gain:
15 lbs although it’s tough to gauge because of winter clothes, although I do take my boots off everytime! 

Sleep
: ok some nights better than others 

Symptoms and Movement

Nausea – Gone! No more diceglis at all.

varicose veins – feeling veins everywhere in my lower half. When I stand up after sitting to long or in the morning I feel the blood rushing to those areas, it’s so weird. I hope it doesn’t get worse. 

Looking forward to- spring! Even with the 2 inches of snow that fell today. 

Missing: walking around normally, sleeping on my back

Purchases
: not much- trying to restrain myself. Today bought some pants on clearance at kohls varying sizes. Then a pack of onsies. 

Clothes: trying to wear non-maternity shirts to mix and match with my small selection of maternity pants. I have a feeling my non maternity clothes will not be fitting fir that much longer.  

Exercise: not much of anything besides hitting my 6,000 steps a day which I do on most work days. Weekends, not so much.