Miscarriage and infertility, why don’t we talk about it?
I understand why my husband doesn’t want to talk about it, even with me. Nevermind the fact that it is off limits to discuss why we are infertile with others. He doesn’t like to talk about our child that never was, he’s even uneasy about the tree I want to plant in honor of our lost babies. He said it brings back too many memories.
I don’t know why I never wanted to talk about infertility. Maybe I did and felt I didn’t have someone that would understand. I couldn’t talk about miscarriage without crying. I burst into tears trying to ask for a prayer from my priest for petes sake! I made my best friend tell the few coworkers that knew so I wouldn’t have to (the down fall of telling people at 12 weeks and 5 days when you miscarry at 13 weeks). I don’t cry much, and this, this made me cry. Maybe I didn’t want people to see me cry.
Yesterday morning I got into a conversation with a coworker. I found out his wife was due in November and I had no idea. I asked about his first child and he continued to explain that they wanted kids closer in age but they had had a miscarriage at 12 weeks and even did a round of IVF and FET. I had no idea, we never do. Why do we keep it to ourselves? Is it because of embarrassment or fear or sadness? He said they didn’t tell many people because of their miscarriage (sounds like us, we waited until 16 weeks to tell everyone with Ava. And even then it was not on Facebook.) why don’t we talk about it?
It wasn’t until I had Ava that I’ve come to terms with our situation. I can open up and freely discuss what happened. I still get sad, I still remember my baby that was conceived in August and lost in October 2013 who’s birthdate would have been May 1. I will always remember my third baby that was conceived in August and lost in September 2016. They both hold a special place in my heart ❤️ right next to my love for Ava.
I’ve learned that I can share my emotions and stories on my blog. It helps to write, even if no one reads. Sometimes opening up and talking (or writing) is therapy enough!