Not sure what I’m feeling

‘Twas the night before my 5th beta and I’m not freakin out. I want the beta roller coaster to end. Would it be nice to hear it rise? Yes! I can’t express how much of love for it to rise. Then I have to worry about ectopic or the next beta until I hear a heart beat, and then I will worry again until the next one, and the next one. I know, I worried from the day my IVF started until my daughter was 4 months old. Either Id lose her in miscarriage, still birth or SIDS. 

I’ve prepared myself, my chances are slim. But I accept Gods will, thy will be done. He has a plan for my husband and I and for our Ava. 

Bring it on! 

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